I had you stumped on the title for a minute didn't I? It stands for Positive Adoption Language (PAL). I read, write and study a whole lot about the topic of adoption and alot of topics related to it. I know what PAL is and have been exposed to many people who feel that anyone not using the correct language when referring to adoptions is just "ignorant" or doesn't care enough. Positive Adoption Language refers to statements like "He was given up for adoption" rather than the preferred, "His birth family made an adoption plan." Another example is "Natural Mother" rather than "Biological or Birth Mother." I am addressing this subject because it can be confusing and I have been corrected several times on this blog for using the incorrect language. I would do anything to ensure that my children, both the adopted ones and the biological ones, have a positive and healthy view of adoption, however, the fact is that the entire world does not adhere to my standards. My children are exposed to many wonderful people on a daily basis who may not use PAL, and, in fact, usually don't, but are still kind and wondeful people who are interested in adoption and hearing my childrens stories. They will hear positive adoption language, they will hear ambivilent adoption language and they will hear downright negative adoption language. It is my job to teach them how to address all of it and not to dismiss someone simply because they haven't read the books on how to talk to an adopted child. The real fact is that I can't be sure that my way is best anyways. My kids call their biological moms "Tummy Moms". Peter made it up and I loved it - a preschool description of the physical bond between adopted children and their birth moms. It is apparently very wrong - sends the wrong message, diminishes the role of the birth mother. I think it reminds the kids that ultimately everyone has a mom whose tummy they grow in and a mom who raises them - sometimes they are the same mom and sometimes they are different but every mom is treasured for the role they play in that child's life. In our house "Tummy Moms" works - it is positive, loving and universal - so much so that when I was pregnant with Lizzie, Peter and Molly both asked seperately who her tummy Mom was. An old lady saw us in a store one day last week - Bob and I dragging our multiracial little line of ducklings through the store and she stopped to admire the children. When she clearly pointed to Ellie and Peter as being "friends" of the othe children rather than siblings it was Annie who pointed out that they were her sister and brother and then shrugged he shoulders and said - "I mean - we all drive in the same van everyday - of course we're sisters and brothers." I don't have all the answers about adoption and I certainly learn every single day but I also try not to get caught up in a "method" or "language" - we learn as we go and accept people at face value. It is pretty rare for someone to purposely attempt to hurt one of our children so we assume the best and work out the details within our family later! So there you have it - POsitive Adoption Language Harding - Wheeler style!
Comment from Auntie Beth that needed to be added to this post! Auntie Beth is always willing to have open conversations with our children and anyone else about adoption, family and the important thing in life! We can't wait for Auntie Beth's visit next month! I've always loved the reverence you've given to the term tummy mommy and never once considered it diminishing to you as the forever mommy...simply a completely separate reverence to the women who incubated your cherubs:-) and your kids pick up on your gratitude, which makes them feel even more special. People are always inspired by our family dynamic when I talk about tummy mommies and the adoption of my nieces and nephew...personally I think it makes you all the more wonderful as a Mom that you are unthreatened by a biological tie...and the kids are so well adjusted---they know exactly where they came from and why they are in their forever family now...the whole deal. Taught me alot, proud to be a member of the family:-) xoBethie
Snuggle time for the baby girls last week!
I love when they snuggle in together like this and have fun!
Annie stayed home a few days this week and Auntie Eileen must have thought she looked really really cute because she took lots of pictures of her! I love every single one of them although I did notice she is sitting on the kitchen counter!
Love this one - our little leprechaun!
Our little beauty - she is such a sweetie pie!
Uncle Jeff and Ellie sitting outside chatting!
Annie Bananie loving the ice cream from Daddy!
Peter Westley - yep - he is still wearing the grape fanta shirt!
My two gorgeous girls eating their favorite food - ice cream!
I took this picture of Lizzie because it cracks me up how she walks around all the time - sometimes randomly throwing on a bathing suit, other times just leaving her shirt unbuttoned and then sometimes just hanging out in underwear - she is truly a free spirit in every single way!
The kids are on vacation from school for a whole week and BOb and I have some fun things planned for them - a few special dates with the big kids and a farm visit for the little kids! I love having them home for a few days especially when work is quiet and I can hang out with them a bit. This vacation Bob and I are taking a day off together to have a family day but we haven't quite figured out what we are doing yet!
GNM - ILY!
